Dear Nancy, I feel like giving up!

I am so tired of doing this online dating nonsense! I’m ready to give up. I have been on and off a few dating sites for over three years, and have had some dating success, but no one I can see myself with long-term. My last relationship lasted for about two months and we both realized we weren’t a good match. How do you get your clients out of this feeling of giving up? I know if I do give up I’ll never find anyone, but with the way I’m feeling now, I have no desire to get back online. Any suggestions?

  • Kay – 62 – King of Prussia

Dear Kay,

As Wayne Gretzky once said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

Yes, the aftermath of a breakup can be very depressing and make you feel unmotivated to get “out there” again. Your recognition that if you do give up, your chances of finding anyone are practically zero, is commendable.

My suggestion to all my clients who feel this sort of reluctance to getting back online, is to start back slowly, but start today. Get online for only ten minutes with the sole commitment to message one prospect. Commit to ten minutes per day for the next two weeks and write to two men each day (each message should only take you about three minutes).

If you connect with someone and they want to chat, make sure the phone call is less than seven minutes to ensure minimal energy spent; in fact, if you like the sound of his voice, just make the date.

You will find by limiting the amount of time you spend each day focusing on the dating process, you’ll feel less invested and thus less aggravated. The most important part of any successful process is consistency. My experience is that those who stop and start online dating are more apt to give up completely. Those who give consistent effort toward the online dating process, even if only a few minutes each day, are the most successful at finding their soulmate. 

Take the shot!